Posts Tagged ‘how to talk to your kids about sexual abuse’

Sandusky Sex Abuse Case at Pennsylvania State University

November 11, 2011

Time Magazine Photo of Sandusky Arrest

All over America, the headlines decry the sad story of Jerry Sandusky, former football coach at Penn State, alleging sexual abuse of numerous boys.

“The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.” (Edmund Burke)

A midst the public outrage and various opinions, in my view, these times can be used to open a dialog about personal safety, boundary setting and the steps parents can take to protect their children.

When the media machine kicks in, parents sometimes come to me seeking my take on it as a protection specialist. I often offer advice on how to approach the subject with their children in a manner that does not scare them. My answers sometimes surprise them.

o I say, do not deny it, avoid it or talk around it. Take it head on and in a matter of fact manner. Consider that your response should be age appropriate.
o Address it directly with calm wisdom, a dose of caution and love. Talk about how secrets like this can hurt people. Make sure your children understand that it is not the boys fault.
o Reassure children while giving them specific concepts and red flags to look for (PINS=Pre-Incident Indicators). Discuss lures and how people can try to manipulate, threaten or blame to keep secrets. Make sure your child knows that you will believe them and do whatever it takes to help and protect them.
o Do a “what if…” session and guide your child to use and trust their intuition (The Gift of Fear as Gavin de Becker calls it). Revisit it from time to time just as you would other safety guidance. Never assume they remember or know – test and inspect what you expect.
o At the same time, reassure your children that they can always talk to you and should never be afraid to come to you with issues like this.
o The key role of denying privacy and control [PC]. These are the setting for abuse.
o As a parent, one of the best things you can do is read “Protecting the Gift” by Gavin de Becker. You get this book and learn to effectively use the techniques and more when you take our Guardian Family Protection Program.

The knowledge and skills we teach at USA Martial Arts could have helped to protect these vulnerable children from harm – and could have caused the abuse to have been discovered and stopped much sooner. The techniques we teach in our Guardian Family Protection program specifically address these situations.

‎”..denial can be seductive, but it has an insidious side effect. For all the peace of mind deniers think they get by saying it isn’t so, the fall they take when faced with new violence is all the more unsettling. Denial is a save-now-pay-later scheme, a contract written entirely in small print, for in the long run, the denying person knows the truth on some level.” -Gavin de Becker, Fear Less

Contact us for a free report from our friends at Kidpower on three things that parents need to keep in mind to help protect your children.

Yours for happy, healthy, safer kids,

-USA Martial Arts

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