Posts Tagged ‘bullying info’

The ABC’s of Conflict Avoidance, Resolving Conflicts Peacefully With Dignity and Wisdom

January 20, 2012


The ABC’s of Conflict Avoidance
Resolving Conflicts Peacefully With Dignity and Wisdom

As a fundamental of all of our law enforcement, security, self-defense, bullying prevention and anti-abduction training we include the ABC’s of Conflict Avoidance. Originally taught to me by Master Dave Kovar, I have since included elements from Advanced Threat Assessment and Executive/Dignitary Protection and Close Protection (Bodyguard) training. The ABC’s of conflict avoidance self defense are also influenced by my military training while serving in a reserve Special Forces unit. Over the past twenty five plus years, these tools have helped many of my students and clients problem solve and end conflicts peacefully.

We recommend that you role play these until confident. Using a video camera works well as an evaluation and feedback learning tool.

Conflict Neutralization
A: Always practice safe habits. Avoid potentially dangerous situations. Be Alert to safety priorities for situational Awareness.
Avoiding potentially dangerous situations is relative. It depends on where you live, what you do, your age, ability and life experience. Obviously the choices must match the unique situation. A child growing up on a farm in the country faces different dangers than a child in an urban setting. Self defense is situational, that is, it is context specific and therefore must be treated appropriately.
This can be taught to a child by playing the question game. Simply using teachable moments such as crossing a busy street is a perfect opportunity to reinforce safety lessons in a calm manner and build confidence in your child. It might be going out on a boat or visiting a friend of the family with firearms in the house. Rather than instilling worry, children can be armed with tools to make better decisions to avoid situations that might lead to danger.
Indeed, these are not one time lessons, but reinforced on a regular basis and made appropriate to the age and maturity level of the child. It is recommended that it be taught in a relaxed, matter-of-fact manner to avoid any unnecessary anxiety, worry or unwarranted fear. Unwarranted fear can have nasty repercussions because it can scramble or be mistaken for our God-given survival signals (what my teacher Gavin de Becker refers to as “The Gift of Fear”).
As parents, teachers, coaches and mentors, we want to model the behaviors for them, remaining calm and making good choices.

B: Be calm, Breathe, Be centered.
The human brain is an extraordinary, complex and powerful computer. However, left untrained and unmanaged it can run a muck. This is the case when we have mid-brain -forebrain conflict where emotions and logic collide. The heart rate increases, stress goes up, the hormone adrenaline is released into the system and the ensuing result us usually not productive, often making the situation worse.
One method soldiers, law enforcement and martial artists use successfully to help manage this problem is using a yogic style deep belly breath. This smooth style of breathing helps lower heart rate, improve brain function and regain emotional control. Proper breathing is a great way of managing the stress response to a fear stimulus.
An important part of conflict resolution, especially in Verbal Judo (founded by Dr. George Thompson), is the use of emotional separation. Not allowing ourselves to get drawn into the insults, feelings or emotion of the moment is key to making wise choices that have lasting consequences.
Proper breathing helps us remain calm and insert time to avoid doing or saying something irrational, potentially making the situation worse. Often, the last thing we want to do is escalate an already agitated situation.
This can help also in taking a moment to read pre-incident indicators (red flags for violence), or pre-assault cues (warning signs), exit points, vulnerable targets, weapons of opportunity, barriers, people to recruit and other useful self defense and protective tools.
This can be taught when you notice your child (or yourself for that matter) experiencing intense emotions. Encourage them to stop, take a moment to breathe and insert time to respond rather than react. If this is a regularly used skill around your household, children can better learn to manage their own emotions and make better choices. When you see them do it successfully, make a big deal out of it and celebrate their choice to encourage it as a habit. Taking ten to twenty deep, slow, belly breaths can be really beneficial.
This doesn’t mean that they will not still feel angry, but it does allow more use of the fore-brain (our center for logic) and make better choices. This goes a long way in learning how to problem solve, use words to communicate and get their needs met. Of course, you as a parent or role model will need to lead by example. Children reflect what they experience and see from their parents.

C: Communicate with confidence.
Selection Phase and Testing Phase of the Pathway to Violence
This is a critical skill to help individuals present themselves in a manner which eliminates them from the victim profile or the “selection phase”. Those who are perceived as most vulnerable tend to be the ones least likely to tell, resist or create problems for the attacker/abuser. From making eye contact, standing tall, shoulders back, alert, noticing others and whats going on, speaking up, and learning when it is OK to question authority, these go a long way in building assertion competence. It is a fundamental belief that you are worth fighting for. The average “bad guy” is selecting their victims based on perceived vulnerability. Just learning how to carry yourself with confidence and communicate clearly can often mean avoiding trouble.

“Bad guys don’t have an alternative plan, they have an alternative victim”

We are always sending out signals with our behavior, demeanor, appearance, actions, tone, words, eye movement, posture and energy. Imagine sending the signals of “I’m a victim” and how dangerous that can be. Now imagine sending the signals, “I’m a confident, communicating individual who will fight back, attract attention and cause you problems.” The difference can be life saving. The goal is to be a mismatch for the criminals selection radio frequency so we are never selected in the first place.

“My safety is more important than their feelings.”

In Verbal Judo training programs, Dr. George Thompson teaches Police Officers that like it or not people will instinctively judge us upon first meeting as 1. One better than you. 2. Same as you. 3. Less that you. This is why paying attention to the signals you are sending others is a fundamental in self defense, avoiding bullying and establishing your own authority.
Children and subordinates (lower ranks in law enforcement or military) need to feel safe and confident that they can go to their superiors to report things if needed. Setting this climate is a priority of a good leader or parent. Often, individuals who were continually victimized, indicate that they did not report it because they didn’t feel they would be listened to or believed.
These are no guarantees taht you will not be attacked, confronted or selected, but it does help stack the odds in your favor. Self defense, security and protecting yourself with effective personal security is building layers of protection. This can be a good layer to include in your personal security and safety self defense planning.

Bad guys usually test. This can come in the form of using questions, engaging in conversation, attempting to build rapport, uninvited advances, solicitations and seemingly innocuous touching. All of these are used to assess the limits and boundaries the individual will assert, defend or ignore. “This can be in a variety of forms including, Do you have the time?” “Can you help me find my cat?” “Do you know where the game store is?”. This is why it is important to learn the criminal “lures” and how to thwart them. Teaching children to speak up and set boundaries starts at an early age and needs to be consistently reinforced so they learn healthy boundaries without anxiety. Remember, it isn’t necessarily what you say but HOW you say or do it that can make all the difference. The goal during this stage is to deter the pathway toward abuse by assertion competence. Firmly stating “NO!” or “Back Off!” might be effective.

Above all, teaching yourself and your child to trust your intuition when something doesn’t feel right and take action on it can save lives. [Read THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gavin de Becker]

Isolation is trouble. Privacy and control are the setting for abuse.

D: Distance yourself from trouble. Don’t put yourself in a worse situation. Never ever go with someone to a secondary crime scene location. Research clearly shows that a defenders chances significantly go down if transported to another place. Remember that privacy and control are the setting for abuse. You might remember it the way my team and I do as P.C.. This is a powerful strategy in diverting the pathway to violence.

E: Environment can create opportunities.
Learning to use your environment is key to successful self defense and escaping danger. Just learning to take mental note of the entrances and exits in a room can be beneficial for evacuation. One association you might make is to fire safety. This help you piggy-back on an existing skill and augment it for other safety and self defense purposes.

You can train your mind to look for barriers you could use to slow an pursuer, something to use as a shield, cover or concealment, or even weapons of opportunity. Things like off hand blunt objects like a book end or, pens, pencils staplers can be used as defensive tools. Of course, the more training you have, the more relevant these can become for protection. A working knowledge of vital targets on the human anatomy is critical to effective stopping techniques.

Do you know which neighbors to go to for help? Do you have an agreed upon meeting place in case of evacuation? These are helpful in times of crisis with little or no time to think.

Conflict Resolution

The ABC’s of Personal Safety from a Security Self Defense Specialist

Self Defense Tips – The ABC’s of Personal Safety and Security for Personal Protection

Self defense is something everyone knows that we should learn, yet few actually do. Rather than use a few self defense or fighting tips as an emotional pacifier, it is important to test and apply what you think you know. It is through this process that self defense competence is built. With self defense competence comes personal protection and security confidence. A good self defense instructor will ad to your peace of mind and help you use your innate survival signals and skills to bring to bear in protecting yourself and/or the ones you love.
When you learn to defend yourself you are less likely to have to because:

1. You tend to avoid potentially dangerous situations because you recognize them earlier
2. You are more likely to trust your intuition/gut feelings therefore act on them
3. Project more confidence which often removes you from the victim profile. Criminals like easy targets, not difficult ones. It is said that bad guys do not have an alternative plan, rather an alternative target to victimize.

HERE ARE A FEW OF OUR ABC’s OF PERSONAL PROTECTION – SELF DEFENSE STRATEGIES FOR PERSONAL SECURITY

“Dangerousness is situational” – Gavin de Becker

Alert to Avoid Potentially Dangerous Situations
– Knowledge and Awareness of dangerous situations and how criminals operate
– Trusting instincts and Acting on intuition
– Always observe safe habits and practices – Remember, we are always building habits – so practice good ones

Breathe and Be Calm by Believing you have options
– Belly Breath with Backpressure on exhale helps manage stress, adrenaline and fear
– Be looking for opportunities, weapons, barriers, escape routes and targets
– Be prepared with training and a plan but Be flexible

Communicate with Confidence and Commit
– Clearly say and demonstrate directly what you mean and mean what you say
– Change the Context of any situation you feel might lead to a violent encounter
– Commit to your plan and execute with intensity

Distance
Whenever you increase distance, you increase time and options and usually deny the targets

Eyes on targets and Escape options
Eyes, neck, groin, knees, Everything’s a weapon, Escape

Recommended reading: “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker

Personal Security and Self-Defense Training Courses

Escape to Gain Safety: Jeet Kune Do based self defense for women http://www.fighting.net/johnn
P.E.A.C.E.: A 5 Step Program of Self Defense
ABCs of Self Defense: Self Defense Basics for Everyone
The 5 Fingers of Self Defense: Self Defense Concepts
Street-Wise Street-Smarts: Street savvy self defense lecture
http://USA-MartialArts.com
Hit Like a Girl: Bodyguard Tactics for Women in a fun entertaining format http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hit-Like-a-Girl/339618134337?ref=ts

Children’s Personal Safety Self Defense Courses
Kid-Wise Street Smarts
Bully to Buddy Friendship Beats Bullying
Bully Proof Vest- 5 Steps to Handle Bullying Effectively
Escape School for Kids- Stranger Safety Skills
http://USA-MartialArts.com

Rapid Learn Immersion Reality Based Self Defense Training
Paul Vunak’s RAT: The rapid learn hand to hand combat course taught to Navy SEALS
John Nottingham’s VIPER Personal Protection: A customized street combat course specializing in scenario based training and adrenal stress conditioning, survival stress inoculation with context driven solutions.
http://JohnNottingham.com
Each program can be taught as a lecture or hands on clinic and tailored to the individual or organization.

USA Martial Arts Phoenix

4731 E. Greenway Rd. Suite 9
Phoenix, Arizona 85032
602-896-8721
http://USA-MartialArts.com

Nottingham Sword&Shield; SecurityNTS TACTICAL TRAINING Phoenix Campus
4731 E. Greenway Rd. Suite 10
Phoenix, Arizona 85032

* Credit for the original ABC’s of Conflict Avoidance to Kiyoshi Dave Kovar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpcB_2_kMKs

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“How to Effectively Bully and Victim Proof Your Child”

March 13, 2011


How To Protect Yourself From Bullying – Unconventional Bullying Advice
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/

Former Soldier and Martial Arts Instructor Shares His 5 Step Program That Will Catapult Your Child’s Confidence, Instill an “I-Can” Attitude & Provide Them the Practical Tools to Protect Themselves from Bullies

Dear Arizona Parent:

Did You Know:

• Bullying is the #1 cause of school children’s absenteeism in the U.S.A.
• Bullying has been linked to higher rates of teen depression and suicide.
• Rigby (2002), who is a respected researcher on the topic of bullying, nationally and internationally, states:
• “Bullying involves a desire to hurt + hurtful action + a power imbalance + (typically) repetition + an unjust use of power + evident enjoyment by the aggressor and generally a sense of being oppressed on the part of the victim.” (p 51)
• Every day, 160,000 students skip school because they fear being bullied, according to the PACER Center, a parent training and information center for families of children. According to the National Association of School Psychologists,
• 1 in 7 schoolchildren is a bully or victim
• Bullying affects 5 million school children in U.S.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Do I know the techniques, tools and strategies to help my child confront today’s bullying dangers?
Don’t worry – there IS a solution – but before I get to it, let me tell you a story about a boy who was the target of a bully and how it changed his life forever…

SKINNY, UN-ATHLETIC ASTHMATIC
KID TORMENTED BY A BULLY

• His father told him to punch the bully right in the nose to “teach him a lesson”.
• His mother told him to just walk away.
• His teachers never knew about it because the bullying took place out of their sight, and often off school grounds, on the way to or from school.

He didn’t want to tell on the bullying kid because he would feel weak, like a sissy, only inviting more trouble.

He was afraid of getting in trouble for fighting, calling attention to his problem. But far more than that was the pain of keeping the secret. The secret was that he was scared, frustrated and felt trapped. That anger turned inward turned into feeling depressed as the bullying kept up over time.

But that all changed. He found a way:
• To stand tall, walk proud and keep his dignity
• Stand up to the bully
• To defeat a bully without fighting

In fact, he earned the respect of the bully and his classmates
Most importantly, he felt better about himself
Plus he used the lesson many more times in the future

BY STANDING UP TO THE BULLYING, HE WON SELF-RESPECT AND HIS NEW POWER HELPED HIM HELP OTHERS

Yes, as you probably guessed, that boy was me. Today I use those experiences to relate to other kids facing bullying in their lives. You see, I’ve helped thousands of children find their inner strength, their voice and successfully learn how to deal with bullying, conflicts and the most dangerous situations.

My name is John Nottingham and I am a 6th Degree Black Belt in the Martial Arts. I’ve trained in China, Korea and all over the world with some of the best of the best. I was in the Army Airborne and taught some of the roughest, toughest heroes in the world hand-to-hand, hand-to-weapon military combatives while serving in a Special Forces reserve unit.

Today I own a Executive Bodyguard Security and Training Company, and an award winning Martial Arts school. Over the past twenty five plus years, I have helped thousands of people from all walks of life discover their inner strength and stand up for themselves in every aspect of their lives.

From children who were getting tormented school to women feeling trapped in unhealthy relationships; from employees being mistreated by their bosses to Police and Security who have to use their skills daily on the streets. Not standing up for yourself from bullying can be just like a toxin that attacks your self concept and destroys dreams, hope and goals from the inside out.

THERE IS HOPE! I CAN HELP

I’ve developed a 5 step program to help you:
1. Build your child’s self esteem
2. Learn to handle unfair aggression
3. Flip the balance of power
4. Learn what to say and do and when to do it
5. Know how to spot a “bullying set up” well in advance so you can avoid it

VICTIM AND BULLY PROOFING

This unique method is not one of those ineffective “Ivory Tower” programs you’ll see from educational institutions. The schools that have had us there see the results because it works. Our Bullying Prevention Program isn’t theory or idealistic wishes. We give you hard-hitting tools, some of them the same strategies we teach to bodyguards who protect VIPs and celebrities! We’ll we think you are a VIP and are worth protecting.

To cut through the bullying dilema The Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative – AZ Children’s Bully Prevention Project is working with Nottingham Sword and Shield Security and USA Martial Arts Phoenix to offer a series of bullying solutions – Victim-Bully Proof Workshops. Free Bully Prevention “5 Step How to Handle a Bully Without Fighting” training is being sponsored FREE to all Arizona Children.

What: How to Handle a Bully Without Fighting
When: 5-6pm Wednesdays during the month of March
Where: at USA Martial Arts Phoenix Tatum/Greenway Albertsons center
How much: Fully sponsored by Nottingham Sword & Shield Security, ScottsdaleBodyguard.com, KidsLoveMartialArtsPhoenix.com and USA Martial Arts Phoenix
How: Contact info@usa-martialarts.com or call (602) 896-8721 to register. Limited space available.

BULLY PROOF VEST by John Nottingham, USA Martial Arts, The Arizona Bullying Prevention Project.

The only bullying prevention program designed by protection professionals.

The Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative | AZ Bully Prevention Project http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
4731 e. Greenway road suite 9 phoenix, arizona 85032
Telephone (602) 896-8721
USA Martial Arts Phoenix
Nottingham Sword & Shield Security
ScottsdaleBodyguard.com

New Ways To Resolve Bullying

October 8, 2010

Press Release – New Ways To Resolve Bullying
by John Nottingham on OCTOBER 7, 2010

Phoenix, AZ – John Nottingham, owner of USA Martial Arts Phoenix and Nottingham Sword & Shield Security, recently stated that bullying is the number-one social issue in schools today. Violence is epidemic. Our children are being taught by the media that violence is the justifiable and even honorable solution to the problems of relationships. But we don’t accept this – we can teach our children to understand and resolve conflicts nonviolently through a special program that combines the disciplines of education, psychology and the seemingly contradictory practice of martial arts.

“Recent studies indicate that bullying has increased in recent years, although it is not clear if the increase reflects more incidents of bullying at school or perhaps greater awareness of bullying as a problem. (according to the U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, School Crime Supplement (SCS) to the National Crime Victimization 2005).”

Nottingham added that Bullying includes a wide variety of behaviors, but all involve a person or a group repeatedly trying to harm someone who is weaker or more vulnerable. It can involve direct attacks (such as hitting, threatening or intimidating, maliciously teasing and taunting, name-calling, making sexual remarks, and stealing or damaging belongings) or more subtle, indirect attacks (such as spreading rumors or encouraging others to reject or exclude someone).

“Studies showed that one in two students experience occasional bullying during any school term. One in four students in primary school are bullied more than once or twice at least in any term (so they are more than twice as likely to be bullied as those in secondary schools). One in ten in secondary school are bullied more than once or twice at least in any term (some research says one third of secondary students are bullied during the course of the school year). And one in ten primary aged students are persistently and frequently bullied – possibly every day.” -This according to Sonia Sharp, an expert on bullying.

According to Nottingham, most attempts at conflict resolution focus primarily on resolving the conflict after it begins. A new and innovative way is available. It combines physical self-defense skills, which give a young person the confidence not to fight, with mental self-defense skills and VERBAL JUDO which give a young person the ability to resolve a potential threat peacefully.

Along with character building, this program focuses on understanding the primary factors that create conflict in relationships. It also addresses the secondary causes and teaches young people “12 ways to walk away with confidence.” It is a nonjudgmental, nonsectarian approach to understanding and peacefully resolving the challenges of human relationship.

John Nottingham’s USA Martial Arts Phoenix will hold these classes on every Wednesday evening in October in recognition of National Bully Prevention Month. Classes are for Ages 4-12. Class is 45 minutes in length. These classes will be on a first come first serve basis and there are only 15 slots available each day so don’t delay call Dawn at 602/896-8721 to reserve your child’s spot. You can also register your child online at http://USA-MartialArts.com or at http://KidsLoveMartialArtsPhoenix.com

USA Martial Arts Phoenix is located at the Southwest corner of Greeway and Tatum in the Albertsons center. Their address is 4731 E. Greenway Rd Suite 9, Phoenix, Arizona 85032. USA Martial Arts can be reached at 602/896-8721.

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ATTENTION CURRENT MEMBERS OF USA MARTIAL ARTS:

You will not need to sign up for these classes your child will attend this class during their regularly scheduled class. Plus they will be able to invite their friends as well. In fact if you copy and paste this page link and you can send this info to your friends and this is the link they will need to use to sign up to attend the bully buster workshop with your child for FREE.

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Got a Bully? We Can Help

May 7, 2010

Watch Bully Help Video
Got a Bully? We Can Help

Does another kid kick, hit, pinch, punch, trip or threaten you? If so, you may have a bully.

Does someone tease you, call you names, leave you out, or spread rumors about you? You may have a bully. But you can stand up to bullies if you know what to do.

* Try to talk it out. Say, “Why are you being mean to me?”
* Get away and stay away from the bully.
* Speak up. Say, “Stop picking on me!” and do it with confidence and eye contact.
* Make a joke. If you say something funny, even about yourself, the bully might laugh and forget to pick on you.
* Stick with your friends.
* Ask an adult for help.

Do you know someone who has a bully? Well, you can help. Did you know that most of the time when a kid steps in bullying stops? Here are some things you can do.

– If you see someone being picked on, be a friend and walk away from the bully together.
– If you have a friend who bullies, take a stand and tell your friend to stop.
– If you know someone that gets picked on, ask the kid to play with you.
– Get your friends to come with you when you help someone being bullied.

If someone is hurting a kid, tell an adult.

Watch a Free Bully Video Here from our friend McGruff

Friendship beats bullies every time!

USA Martial Arts is hosting Bully Prevention Workshops once again help combat the ever-changing problem faced by our children. Come join us for this FREE presentation. Email info@usa-martialarts.com or call 602-896-8721 for more info and to sign up. You must be pre-registered to attend. We look forward to seeing all of you there. Bring a friend!

* Source: http://www.mcgruff.org/Advice/bullies.php with modifications from John Nottingham

NOTE: Bully Guard Bully Proofing course also offered at our Karate Confidence Summer Camp. Public speaking, school assemblies, home school groups, teacher training, consultation and training are available.

Arizona Bullying Prevention Initiative
THE ARIZONA BULLYING PREVENTION PROJECT

USA Martial Arts Phoenix Website
Kids Love Martial Arts Phoenix ONILINE SPECIAL
4731 East Greenway Road Suite 9
Phoenix, Arizona 85032
Telephone 602-896-8721
email info@usa-martialarts.com

Sponsored by USA Martial Arts and Nottingham Sword and Shield Security | ScottsdaleBodyguard.com